Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
