dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
