I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
