Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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