Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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