Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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