Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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