Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
