That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
