Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
