Yo dont text me then not text me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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