Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
