It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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