Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
