ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
