if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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