I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
