yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
