Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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