They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
