I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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