i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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