Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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