Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
