she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am spending my child support on dildos
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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