ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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