I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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