I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
