I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
