dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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