Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
