worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's the barista slut.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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