I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize