she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
