Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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