I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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