i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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