i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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