I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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