I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
