Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need to calm my uterus...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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