He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
