I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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