She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
