can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
