I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
