I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
