She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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