so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
