so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
