This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
no you cant smoke seaweed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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