im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
