I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
