the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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