Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize