I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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