And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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