This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
