I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
